


Mother Nature Ate My Shoes

by ButterflyGhost



Series: Fancy Footwork [4]
Category: due South
Genre: Gen, Humour, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-11
Updated: 2014-09-11
Packaged: 2018-02-17 00:17:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2289977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ButterflyGhost/pseuds/ButterflyGhost
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Missing scene from "The Man Who Knew Too Little". Ray has a fairly understandable meltdown.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mother Nature Ate My Shoes

“Okay, Benny. This is it. This is, officially, it.”  
  


“What’s ‘it’?”  
  


“This! This is! I swear to God, Benny, this is the last fucking straw.”  
  


Ray is hobbling down the verge in the snow, none of the damn cars are stopping for them, and he could swear he’s getting frostbite.  
  


“Ray, I’m very sorry –”  
  


“No.” Ray pauses, points a finger at Benny, and wags it, like Ma chastising the kids. “No you are not. You are not sorry. You say that because you’re Canadian. You say that because it’s your national anthem.”  
  


“No,” Benny’s brow crinkles in puzzlement. “No, it isn’t.”  
  


“‘Sorry!” Ray sings, to an approximation of ‘Oh Canada.’ “Sorry! Sorry my Italian ass.’”  
  


“That’s really not our national anthem –”  
  


“I tell you what you’re thinking,” Ray says. “You’re thinking, ‘serves the American right for buying a decent pair of shoes.’”  
  


Benny looks pained. “I’m not thinking anything of the sort –”  
  


Ray shakes his head, and returns to his painful trudge. “You’re thinking, ‘great, I’ve got his car jacked. Now, how can I ruin his next good shirt, his next suit, his next pair of loafers? How can I destroy his life?’”

  
“I’m really very sorry about all the suits, and shoes, and I’m sorry Ian borrowed your car –”

  
“Borrowed!”

  
“Yes. Borrowed. I’m certain he shall return it.” Ray snorts his disbelief. Benny continues regardless. “However, I must admit, I fail to see how the loss of a shoe is commensurate with destroying your life.”

  
“Benny?”

  
“Yes, Ray?”

  
Ray takes a deep breath. “Shut up, or I will kill you. Then I’ll have to arrest myself, then I’ll get the chair, then we’ll both be dead.” He glares at Benny. “And then I’ll have to kill you all over again in hell.”

  
Benny scratches his eyebrow, and clears his throat. “Well, I’m reasonably sure we won’t go to hell –”

  
“‘Reasonably sure? Reasonably?’ That’s comforting Benny. Really. I’m comforted.”  
  


“Well, good.” Benny sounds confused, like he’s not sure if Ray’s being serious or not.  
  


“Anyway,” Ray continues. “Why wouldn’t we go to hell? We’re already there.” He kicks the snow with his good foot. “I should know. It just froze over.”  
  


A long silence ensues.  
  


“Ray?”  
  


“What!”  
  


“I’ll buy you a new pair of shoes.”  
  


Silence.  
  


“Ray?”  
  


“Okay. Thanks,” Ray mutters.  
  


“You’re welcome.”  
  


Silence.  
  


“And then you’ll drop me in a sewer or something, and you’ll need to get me a new suit.”  
  


Ben sighs, and looks resigned to the inevitable.  
  


“Understood.”

 


End file.
